Selected Relations

Choosing Your Family

Everyone has a right to surround themselves with supportive, accepting, and loving people. The selection of those people can be expressive of a large variety of relationships: parents, children, friends, extended family, or even caregivers. Many people put the highest priority on their familial relationships, but it is not unusual to find that one's values, goals, or choices differ from those of one's family. You may not feel that your personality is a good match with the members of your family. On the other hand, your outlook may be significantly different from that of your relatives. When that is the case, it is only natural to begin creating a network of friends and confidants that give you the closeness and security that was lacking in your family relationships.

Preferring friends to family, occasionally or all the time is entirely normal and is in no way reflective of any failing on your part. Your relationship with family members can be compared to a relationship with coworkers-circumstance has joined you together and you can make the best of it without finding it satisfying. In forming your own "family," you are given the opportunity to let go of the resentment and stress associated with your biological family and to choose wha trelationships you feel are meaningful. You may find you enjoy spending time with your created family more than you enjoy spending time with your traditional family. This should not be a source of guilt. Life is too short to associate wth people simply because you feel an obligation, particularly if those people are hurtful or judgmental. You are better served associating with people who you find kind, who inspire you, and with whom you can relax, whether they are friend, family, or loved one.

Forming your own fmaly dose not mean you need to entirely distance yourself from you biological family. It simply means you can interact with them freely when necessary, kowning that you have built up a healthy support network of people who give you the love you need. Creating your own fmaily is a means to establishing an enviroment that is positive, nurturing and, ultimately, lastingly rewarding.